A FEW HINTS
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.
A DREAM IS JUST A DREAM.
A GOAL IS A DREAM
WITH A PLAN AND A DEADLINE.
HAPPY ENDING
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When her former husband returned to the home with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called her former husband, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth. But only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home. Everything, including the curtain rods.
A GOOD MARRIAGE IS LIKE A CASSEROLE
ONLY THOSE INVOLVED
ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT GOES INTO IT.
DEATH WISH
A millionaire informs his attorney, "I want a stipulation in my Will that my wife is to inherit everything, but only if she remarries within six months of my death."
"Why such an odd stipulation?" asks the attorney.
"Because," he says, "I want someone to be sorry I died."
BLESSED ARE THE YOUNG
FOR THEY SHALL INHERIT THE NATIONAL DEBT.
Herbert Hoover
A REQUEST
Don't walk behind me
I will not lead
Don't walk in front of me
I will not follow
Just walk with me
And be my friend
DUE TO GOVERNMENT CUTS
THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL
HAS BEEN TURNED OFF.
A FEW DEFINITIONS
ADULT:
One who has stopped growing at both ends but
continued in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKEN:
The only animal you eat, both, before it is born
and after it is dead.
COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.
INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES:
Something other people have.
You have character lines.
LIVE AS IF YOU WERE TO DIE TOMORROW.
LEARN AS IF YOU WERE TO LIVE FOREVER.
Mahatma Ghandi
THIS WEEK'S SUDDENLY SENIOR COLUMN
REMEMBER WHEN SERVICE
STATIONS GAVE SERVICE?
What a quaint concept! In this day of $4-a-gallon gas, imagine getting actual service, too. Today, it's as bizarre a notion to anyone under 40 as a gentleman's tipping his hat to a lady. READ STORY HERE
PREDICT ANOTHER GOOD DAY FOR YOURSELF.
EXPECT SOMETHING GREAT TO HAPPEN.
SMART SPEAK
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
THE WONDERFUL THING ABOUT THE GAME OF LIFE
IS THAT WINNING AND LOSING ARE ONLY TEMPORARY.
UNLESS YOU QUIT.
 RULES FOR THE ROAD OF LIFE
1. Never give yourself a haircut after three alcoholic beverages of any kind.
2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape.
If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40.
If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right".
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you
was: "Go! You might meet somebody!"
7. If someone says that you are too good them, believe it.
8. Learn to pick your battles. Ask yourself, “Will this matter one year from now?”
How about one month? One week? One day?
9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations, you have another chance!
11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.
12. Work is good, but it's not that important.
13. Be really nice to your friends and family. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
A SMILE CAN BRING HAPPINESS TO ANYONE.
EVEN IF THEY DON'T LIKE YOU.
NATIVE WISDOM
A Cherokee chief is teaching his grandson about life.
"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves."
"One is evil: he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego."
"The other is good: he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity,
humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth,
compassion and faith."
"This same flight is going on inside you, and inside every
other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked
his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old chief simply replied, "The one you feed."
THERE ARE TWO TIMES WHEN A MAN
DOESN'T UNDERSTAND A WOMAN.
BEFORE MARRIAGE AND AFTER.
DOCTOR VISIT
Mr. Johnson had been waiting entirely too long at the Doctor's office. His appointment was for 9 am and it was 10:30 when an attractive nurse appeared and said, "Mr. Johnson, let's go get a room."
Mr. Johnson thought it over and said, "Honey I appreciate the offer, but I've been waiting for so long, I'd hate to lose my place now."
THE EARLY BIRD GETS THE WORM,
BUT THE SECOND MOUSE GETS THE CHEESE.
CURRENT EVENTS
One evening, a grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.
The Grandma replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill. There were no credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens.
Man had not invented pantyhose, air conditioners, dishwashers, clothes dryers, and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and man had yet to walk on the moon.
Your Grandfather and I got married first and then lived together. Every family had a father and a mother.
We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, day-care centers, and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.
We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.
Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.
We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent. Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.
The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.
In my day, "grass" was mowed, "coke" was a cold drink, "pot" was something your mother cooked in, and "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.
"Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office, "chip" meant a piece of wood, "hardware" was found in a hardware store and "software" wasn't even a word. And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.
And how old do you think grandma is?
Grandma is 58 (born 1946)
ALL MEANINGFUL AND LASTING CHANGE
STARTS IN THE IMAGINATION AND WORKS ITS WAY OUT.
THEREFORE, DREAM OFTEN, AND DREAM BIG
REMEMBER
Life is not measured
by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments
that take our breath away.
SUCCESS IS TO BE MEASURED
NOT SO MUCH BY THE POSITION ONE HAS REACHED IN LIFE,
AS BY THE OBSTACLES HE OR SHE HAS OVERCOME
WHILE TRYING TO SUCCEED.
Booker T. Washington
THIS WEEK'S LINK
Living Wills
http://www.lawdepot.com
THIS WEEK’S SUDDENLY SENIOR TIP
YOU DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE YOU ARE OLD
YOU GROW OLD BECAUSE YOU STOP LAUGHING.
 FELLOW TRAVELERS
ON LIFE'S ROAD
|
|
