After the wedding festivities, LouAnne prepared herself for bed and waited for the expected “knock” on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of LouAnne, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, LouAnne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It’s Morris! And he’s again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, LouAnne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses LouAnne, bids her a fond goodnight, and leaves.
LouAnne is set to go to sleep again. However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door, and there he is again. Morris, as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another.
As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, “I am thoroughly impressed that at your age, honey, I’ve been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once! You’re a great lover, Morris.”
Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to LouAnne and says, “You mean I was here already?”
ZZZZZZZZZZZZ
An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth-control pills.
“Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?”
The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.”
The doctor thought some more and continued, “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep better?”
The woman said, “Simple, I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night.”
RAISING THE DEAD
Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on the television.
The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.
Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set, and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.
Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set, and his left hand on his crotch.
Grandma scowled at him and said, “I guess you just don’t get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead.”
DO YOU REMEMBER?
A husband and wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night the wife approached her husband wearing the exact same sexy negligee she had worn on their wedding night. She looked at her husband and said, “Honey, do you remember this?”
He looked up at her and said, “Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married.”
She said, “That’s right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?”
He nodded and said, “Yes dear, I still remember.”
“Well, what was it?” she asked. He responded, “As I remember, I said, ‘Oh baby, I’m going to suck the life out of those big tits and screw your brains out.'”
She giggled and said, “Yes honey, that’s exactly what you said. So, now it’s 50 years later, and I’m in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?”
Again he looked up at her, and he replied, “Mission accomplished.”
THE PHYSICAL
An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination on the same day.
Upon completion of the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”
“In fact, I do”, said the man. “After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.”
“This is very interesting”, replied the doctor. “Let me do some research and get back to you.”
After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said, “Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said, “Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?”
“Oh that old buzzard!” she replied. “That’s because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!!!”
ROMANCE, SENIOR-STYLE
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: “You use to hold my hand when we were courting.”
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: “Then you use to kiss me.”
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek, and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you use to bite my neck”
Angrily, he threw back the bedclothes and got out of bed.
“Where are you going ?” she asked.
