Don’t look back,
they might be gaining on you.
FROM THE BOOK OF PROVERBS
“A father is a banker provided by nature.”
– French Proverb.
“One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.”
– English Proverb.
Mean fathers, wasteful sons.
– French Proverb
Some fathers love another man’s daughter most.
– French Proverb
My fathers planted for me, and I planted for my children.
– Hebrew Proverb
Friendship reminds us of fathers, love of mothers.
– Malagasy Proverb
There are many fathers, but only one mother.
– Russian Proverb
Victory has 100 fathers and defeat is an orphan.
– Traditional Proverb
The Pilgrim Fathers landed on the shores of America and fell on their knees; then they fell upon the aborigines.
– American Proverb
It’s not hard to meet expenses,
they’re everywhere
A TRIFECTA OF OUR FAVORITE FATHER’S DAY JOKES
WIN
GRAY HAIR?
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.
He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?”
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, Is your Daddy home?
“Yes”, whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with him?” the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, “No.”
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”
“Yes”, came the answer.
“May I talk with her?”
Again the small voice whispered, “no.”
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. “Is there any one there besides you?” the boss asked the child.
“Yes,” whispered the child, “A policeman.”
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked “May I speak with the policeman”?
“No, he’s busy,” whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?” asked the boss. “Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
“A hello-copper,” answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?”, asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, “The search team just landed the hello-copper”
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, “Why are they there?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: “They’re looking for me.”
Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip around the sun
PLACE:
NEW AND IMPROVED
Sally, aged 3, was sitting in her grandfather’s lap as he read her a good-night story.
From time to time, she would take her eye’s off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by she was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke, “Granddaddy, did God make you?”
“Yes, sweetheart” he answered, “God made me a long time ago.”
“Oh she said,” then “Granddaddy, did God make me too?”
“Yes, indeed honey” he assured her. “God made you just a little while ago.”
“Oh” she said. Feeling their respective faces again, Sally observed, “God’s getting better at it now isn’t he?”
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier
than putting it back in.
SHOW:
OUR FAVORITE DAD LINES
I figured out why they call our language the “Mother Tongue.” Fathers never get a chance to use much of it.
Say what you will about healthy eating and all, but I’ve always found it awfully difficult to explain to my son (who’s 6’4″ to my 5’8″ in height), why junk food is bad for you.
One time my kids wanted to surprise me with a good breakfast in bed on Father’s Day. They put a cot in the kitchen.
If you think about it, Adam had more trouble than any of the rest of us buying his Father a gift for Father’s Day. I mean, what do you get somebody who’s Everything?
I started early teaching my kids the value of a dollar. From then on, they demanded their allowances in gold.
I don’t want buns of steel.
I want buns of cinnamon.
BOB HOPE ONE-LINERS
ON TURNING 70 “You still chase women, but only downhill”.
ON TURNING 80 “That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.”
ON TURNING 90 “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
ON TURNING 100 “I don’t feel old. In .fact I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.”
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING “I ruined my hands in the ring … the referee kept stepping on them.”
ON SAILORS “They spend the first six days of each week sowing their wild oats, then they go to church on Sunday and pray for crop failure.”
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR “Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it’s called at my home, ‘Passover’.”
ON GOLF “Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.”
ON PRESIDENTS ” I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.”
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS “That’s how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.”
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES “I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the stuff the audience threw at me.”
