In 1924 President Calvin Coolidge supported the idea of a national Father’s Day.
Finally in 1966 President Lyndon Johnson signed a presidential proclamation declaring the 3rd Sunday of June as Father’s Day. Father’s Day has become a day to not only honor your father, but all men who act as a father figure. Stepfathers, uncles, grandfathers, and adult male friends are all honored on Father’s Day.
The best contraceptive for old people
is nudity.
GOING TO DISNEYWORLD
“Hey Grandpa!, Can you make a noise like a frog?”
“I think I can do that. Why?”
“‘Cuz Dad says when you croak, we’re going to Disneyworld”
Take everything in moderation.
Including moderation.
EVOLUTION
First Child: Rush child to the emergency room. Spend the night with him in his room just in case the bleeding started again.
Second Child: Bandage the cut. Spend the next two hours rocking child to relieve the pain.
Third Child: Bandage the cut, tell child to go play.
Fourth Child: Bandage the cut.
The advice your son rejected
is now being given by him to your grandson.
TIME OUT
A dad was relating a conversation he had with his young daughter, just a bit over two years old. They were discussing geography.
“Where does mommy live?”
“Minneapolis.”
“Where does grandma live?“
“Baltimore.”
“Where does grandpa live?”
“Baltimore.”
“And where does daddy live?”
“At work!”
He took the next day off to spend with his daughter.
Fathers often talk about the younger generations
as if they didn’t have anything to do with it.
TOP TEN THINGS DAD WILL NEVER SAY
- Well, how ’bout that? I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.
- You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?
- I noticed that all your friends have a certain “up yours” attitude. I like that.
- Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO CRAZY.
- What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
- Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party.
- Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doohickey thingies, you know, that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
- No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring. Now quit your belly-aching, and let’s go to the mall.
- Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
- Father’s Day? No Big deal.
I used up all my sick days,
so I’m calling in dead.
FAMILY LOOP
Many, many years ago
When I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow,
Pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
With flowing hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
Now my daughter was my mother,
For she was my father’s wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy.
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow’s grown-up-daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father’s wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter’s son.
My wife is now my mother’s mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She’s my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!
Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.
POOR SEAGULL
A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
“Daddy, what happened to him?” the son asked.
“He died and went to Heaven,” the dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said, “Did God throw him back down?”
That guy is so old he shops at
EXTREMELY OLD NAVY.
READ THE LABEL
Johnny went with his father to see a litter of kittens.
On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were 2 boy kitties and 2 girl kitties.
“How do you know?” his mother asked.
“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” Johnny replied, “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”
Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up,
he’ll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
BEDTIME STORY
A small boy is sent to bed by his father…
[Five minutes later] “Da-ad…” “What?”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?”
“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”
[Five minutes later] “Da-aaaad…” “WHAT?”
“I’m THIRSTY…Can I have a drink of water??”
“I told you NO! If you ask again I’ll have to spank you!!”
[Five minutes later] “Daaaa-aaaAAAAD…” “WHAT??!!”
“When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?”
