BOY SCOUTING
Boy Scouts from New York City were sitting around their campfire. One scout said, “We’d better get to bed before the mosquitoes eat us up.”
Later that night, the boy woke up and looked out of his tent. He saw dozens and dozens of fireflies.
Quickly, he woke up his friends and said, “We’d better hide! They’re coming after us with flashlights!”
FROM SUDDENLY SENIOR TO OUR LOYAL READERS:
COMPUTER BUGS FROM OUR PRIVATE COLLECTION
ENTOMOLOGY 101
How strange to learn… A Beetle’s no bug.
But then, a Boll-worm is not really a worm.
These facts are indisputable,
Concerning them science stands firm.
Now, mind. Bugs and Beetles are insects-
And walkingsticks belong to that lot.
But the delicious Snail and the insidious Tick
You can say with assurance, do not.
Ladybugs are Beetles. They defend our plants-
Are urged to fly away home, in story.
But oddly enough, they’re called Ladybirds,
In lands where a truck is a lorry!
Ladybugs keep Aphid destroyers in check.
And good guests – delight us, young and old,
By cozily wintering in our homes-
Flying away, when spring warms the cold.
Encore
Male Fireflies never are flies.
Firefly females are insects, not worms.
But glowworm is their familiar name
What a muddle of mistakes in terms!
But, naming most certainly is needed.
How else to tell lilies from lilacs in bloom
Or label, with distaste, the invading creature
That just suffered the SMACK! of your broom.
It’s hard enough to name the new baby,
Especially the dozenth-and-one.
So pity the problems of science
With trillions of fauna under our sun,
Add tiny animals still to discover,
And scholars, keen for a find.
What the caterpillar
calls the end of the world,
the Master calls a butterfly.
Richard Bacht
REMEMBER
When the moon shall have faded out from the sky,
and the sun shall shine at noonday a dull cherry red,
and the seas shall be frozen over,
and the icecap shall have crept downward
to the equator from either pole . . .
when all the cities shall have long been dead
and crumbled into dust,
and all life shall be on the last verge of extinction on this globe;
then, on a bit of lichen, growing on the bald rocks beside
the eternal snows of Panama,
shall be seated a tiny insect, preening its antennae
in the glow of the worn-out sun,
the sole survivor of animal life on this our earth
a melancholy bug.
William Jacob Holland “The Moth Book” 1903
TWO OLD MEN
Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided
they needed to visit the Bunny Ranch. When they arrived at the brothel, the
Madame took one look at them and decided she wasn’t going to waste any of her
girls on these two old men. So she used “blow-up” dolls instead.
She put the dolls in each man’s room and left them to their business.
After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking.
The first man said, “I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked
or groaned…how was it for you?”
The second man replied, “I think mine was a witch.”
The first man asked, “How’s that?” “Well,” said the second man, “when I
nibbled on her breast… she farted and flew out the window!”
LET’S BASH BOTH SEXES
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? — 45 lbs.
What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? — 45 mins.
What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? — Sexual Harassment.
What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? — $3.99 a minute.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? — The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
How can you tell if your husband is dead? — The sex is the same, but you get the remote.
What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme? — Humpme Dumpme.
What’s it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down? -Marriage.
How many men does it take to change a light bulb? — None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.
What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart? — Through his chest with a sharp knife.
What have men and floor tiles have in common? — If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? — Because those men already have boyfriends.
What is a man’s view of safe sex? –A padded headboard.
How do men sort their laundry? –“Filthy” and “Filthy but Wearable”
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? – After a year the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? — The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What do you call a smart blonde? — A golden retriever.
Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? — The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen donuts.
Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony? — The woman who ate the last donut.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman? — A battery has a positive side.
A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest breasts? — The blonde, because she’s 18.
