In a Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
SIGNS SEEN IN OUR TRAVELS
Friends don’t let friends
take home ugly men
Women’s restroom
Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE
Fighting for peace is like
screwing for virginity
The Bayou, Baton Rouge, LO
If pro is opposite of con,
then what is the opposite of progress?
Congress!
Men’s restroom
House of Representatives, Washington, DC
A Woman’s Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles,
you’re going to have trouble with it
Women’s restroom
Dick’s Last Resort, Dallas, TX
Remember, it’s not,
“How high are you?”
it’s “Hi, how are you?”
Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
TOP 20 FUNNIEST SONG TITLES
1. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.
2. There Ain’t Enough Room in my Fruit of the Looms to Hold All My Lovin’ for You.
3. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye
4. If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
5. I’ve Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
6. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I’d Be Out By Now
7. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In Bed
8. Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond and She Clubbed Me with a Spade
9. If You Can’t Live Without Me, Why Aren’t You Dead Yet?
10. Mama Get The Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)
11. It’s Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long
12. I’m The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
13. She Got The Gold Mine and I Got The Shaft
14. I Wouldn’t Take Her To a Dog Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win
15. They May Put Me In Prison But They Can’t Stop My Face From Breaking Out
16. Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
17. I Just Fell In Something and I Sure Hope It’s Love
18. I’m So Miserable Without You, It’s Like Having You Here
19. If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I’d Blow It All On You
20. C’mon Down off the Stove, Granny, You’re Too Old to Ride the Range
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please.
If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
A TRIFECTA OF
OUR FAVORITE JOKES
WIN:
THINKING OUTSIDE THE OLD BOX
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:
- An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
- An old friend who once saved your life.
- The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?
You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first.
Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.
Never forget to “Think Outside of the Box.”
The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner against the bus stop then drive off with the old friend for some beers.
God, I just love happy endings.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for
PLACE:
SIGNING IN
Jake was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language.
He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them.
When the bartender returned to him, Jake asked how he had learned to use sign language.
The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign. Jake thought that was great.
A few minutes later Jake noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly.
The bartender looked over and signed, “Now cut that out! I warned you!” and threw the group out of the bar.
Jake asked why he had done that and the bartender said, “If I told them once I told them 100 times – NO SINGING IN THE BAR!”
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
SHOW:
A ZEN MOMENT
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just leave me alone.
Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
WARNING!
CONTAINS LETTERMAN’S TOP TEN REASONS GOLF IS BETTER THAN SEX
NOTE:
We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads. (We call it Brain Bloat here at Suddenly Senior.)
So, I’m not fat, I’m just really intelligent and my head was full, so I’ve started filling up the rest of me.
