The woman answers, “That sounds fantastic; but for an outside line, Sir, you need to press 9.”
Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again.
OH YEAH?
Jim was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
“What was that for?” he asked.
“That was for that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Betty Lou written on it,” she replied.
“Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Betty Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on,” he explained.
“Oh honey, I’m sorry,” she said. “I should have known there was a good explanation.”
Three days later Jim as watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold.
When he came to, he asked, “What in the world was that for?”
She replied ……… “Your horse just called!”
Like a prune, you are not getting any better looking,
but you are getting sweeter.
THREE WISHES
A bear was chasing a bunny rabbit, when it stumbled over a bottle. A genie popped out of the opened bottle and said, “You are the first animals that I have seen in 10,000 years. I’m going to giveeach of you three wishes.”
The bear went first “I wish that all the bears in this forest were girls, except me.”
The bunny went second “I wish I had a helmet.”
The bear went again “I wish that all the bears, in this State, were girls,except me.”
The bunny asked for a motorcycle.
The bear wished that all the bears in the world were girls, except him.
The bunny’s final wish was “I wish this bear was gay,” and then rode away.
If a man is alone while he rakes leaves, and he speaks,
and there is no woman to hear him,
is he still wrong?
A TRIFECTA OF AUTUMN JOKES
WIN
AUTUMN FACTOIDS
You Just Thought You Knew Everything:
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A “jiffy” is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet
“Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a Full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, in single file,
the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you are an average American, in your whole life,
you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo DaVinci invented the scissors.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
No word in the English language rhymes with
month, orange, silver, or purple.
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying
over the Parliament Building is an American flag.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth,
but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.
The Bible does not say there were three wise men;
it only says there were three gifts.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches
for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube
and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
The sentence: “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every letter of the alphabet.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
The words ‘racecar,’ ‘kayak’ and ‘level’ are the same
whether they are read left to right or right to left
(palindromes).
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels In order: “abstemious” and “facetious.”
There’s no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; Otherwise it will digest itself.
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if
green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
PLACE
AFTER TAXES
A little boy wanted a $100 badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened .
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.
