The last game was up for grabs, with a huge bingo prize of $3500 in the pot.
The game drags on and on, and nearly every blonde in the house had to be on for the big blackout. Finally, G-47 was called, but still no shouts of “Bingo!” were heard.
The frustrated caller finally gets up and throws the Bingo Machine off the stage. All the girls were shocked and the caller says: “I’ve just called every darn one of these 75 balls out of this machine and nobody has a Bingo? Just what number are you ladies waiting for?”
All together, 412 blonde ladies shouted: “FREE SPACE!”
There was a farmer had a dog, and Bingo was his name-o.
SHOW
TEN COMMANDMENTS OF BINGO
- Thou shall not sit in thy neighbors lucky seat.
- Thou shall not stare at thy neighbors card.
- Thou shall not take the Callers name in vain.
- Thou shall not call false “Bingo”.
- Thou shall not wish bad luck on thy neighbor.
- Thou shall not threaten to kill the “Caller”.
- Thou shall not steal thy husband’s money for Bingo.
- Thou shall not brag about how much thou hast won.
- Thou shall not whine about how much thou hast lost.
- Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s winnings.
The falling leaves drift by the window
The autumn leaves of red and gold
I see your lips, the summer kisses
The sun-burned hands I used to hold
Since you went away the days grow long
And soon Ill hear old winters song
But I miss you most of all my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall
AT THE BAR
Four retired guys are walking down a street in Milwaukee.
Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says “Old Timer’s Bar ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS!”
They look at each other, then go in. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, “Come on in and let me pour one for you, what’ll it be, Gentlemen?”
There seems to be a fully stocked bar, so the men all ask for a martini.
In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis — and says, “That’ll be 10 cents each, please.”
They can’t believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish
their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, “That’s 40 more cents, please.”
They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand.
They’ve each had two martinis and so far they’ve spent less than a dollar.
Finally one of the men couldn’t stand it any longer and asks the bartender, “How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?”
“Here’s my story. I’m a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer, all the same.”
“Wow. That’s quite a story!” says one of the men. The four of them
sipped at their martinis and couldn’t help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn’t have a drink in front of them, and hadn’t ordered anything the whole time they were there.
One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, “What’s with them?”
The bartender says, “They’re seniors from Florida, they’re waiting for happy hour!”
What do you get if you divide the circumference
of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.
MENSA WISE ONES
Mensa is an organization for people with an IQ of 140 or higher.
A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local cafe.
While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt.
How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for Mensa!
The group debated and presented ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.
“Ma’am,” they said, “we couldn’t help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker…”
“Oh,” the waitress interrupted. “Sorry about that.” She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.
What do you call a stolen yam?
A hot potato..
OOPPPSSS!
Joe checked into a hotel on a business trip and was
a bit lonely so he thought he’d get one of those girls advertised in the phone books under “Escorts and Massages”.
He opened the phone book to an ad for a girl calling herself “Erotica,” a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up.
So Joe picks up his room phone and gives her a call.
“Hello?” a woman says. Wow, she sounded sexy…….
“Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I’d like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I’m in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I’m talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we’ll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you’ve got in your bag of tricks.. Now,how does that sound?”
