‘I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,’ said the cop..
The Chief exclaimed,’ All the more reason!’
‘No, I mean really important,’ said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, ‘Who do you have there, the mayor?’
Cop: ‘Bigger.’
Chief: ‘A senator?’
Cop: ‘Bigger.’
Chief: ‘The Prime Minister?’
Cop: ‘Bigger.’
‘Well,’ said the Chief, ‘who is it?’
Cop: ‘I think it’s God!’
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, ‘What makes you think it’s God?’
Cop: ‘His chauffeur is the Pope!’
OLDIE, BUT GOODIE
A woman is driving toward home in Northern Arizona when she sees a Navajo woman hitchhiking. Because the trip had been long and quiet, she stops the car and the Navajo woman climbs in. During their small talk, the Navajo woman glances surreptitiously at a brown bag on the front seat between them.
“If you’re wondering what’s in the bag,” offers the woman, “it’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.”
The Navajo woman is silent for a while, nods several times and says, “Good trade.”
ONCE A BAPTIST, ALWAYS A BAPTIST
John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill.
Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John, he was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn’t take it anymore.
They decided to try and convert John to be a Catholic. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, “You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic.”
The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.
The next year’s Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and just at supper time, when the neighborhood was setting down to their tuna fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill.
The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! WHAT WAS GOING ON? They called each other up and decided to meet over in John’s yard to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent?
The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying, “You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish.” .
THE MAGIC COW
The 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused.
Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior’s bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
“Mother,” the nuns asked with earnest, “please give us some wisdom before you die.”
She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her face said, “Don’t sell that cow.”
THE 3 RELIGIOUS TRUTHS (REPETITION IS GOOD FOR YOU!)
1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
LITTLE LEROY WANTS A BIKE
Little Leroy went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts.
She said, “Well, Leroy, it isn’t Christmas and we don’t have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. So why don’t you write to Jesus and pray for one instead.”
After his tantrum, his mother sent him to his room. Then, he finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus:
Dear Jesus, I’ve been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle. Your friend, Leroy
Now Leroy knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (brat). So he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try:
Dear Jesus, I’ve been an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle. Yours truly, Leroy
Well, Leroy knew this wasn’t totally honest so he tore it up and tried again:
Dear Jesus, I’ve thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a bicycle? Leroy
Well, Leroy looked deep down in his heart, which by the way was what his mother really wanted. He knew he had been terrible and was deserving of almost nothing. He crumpled up the letter, threw it in the trash can and went running outside. He aimlessly wandered about depressed because of the way he treated his parents and really considering his actions. He finally found himself in front of a Catholic Church.
Leroy went inside and knelt down, looking around not knowing what he should really do. Leroy finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at the statue in the foyer.
