SHOW
THE BLONDE COWBOY
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond
haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun
and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks ‘Why in the world are you walking around
like this?’
The cowboy says, ‘Well it’s like this Sheriff…
I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to
go to her motor home with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her
top and asks me to pull off my shirt…
So I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants…
So I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my
shorts…so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, ‘Now go to
town cowboy! ‘
‘And here I am.’
Son of a Gun. Blonde Men do exist
She was so blonde that:
…it takes her two hours to watch “60 Minutes.”
HELL YES, I’M IRISH
May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your
head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven half an hour
before the devil knows you’re dead.
NOTE: Read more Irish proverbs below
DID YOU KNOW?
The very first St. Patrick’s Day parade was not in Ireland. It was in Boston in 1737!
In Chicago, on St. Patrick’s Day, the Chicago River is dyed green!
Nine of the people who signed our Declaration of Independence were of Irish origin, and nineteen Presidents of the United States proudly claim Irish heritage including our first President, George Washington!
In Seattle, there is a ceremony where a green stripe is painted down the roads!
May St. Patrick guard you wherever you go,
and guide you in whatever you do–
and may his loving protection be a blessing to you always.
LOST AT SEA
Two Irishmen, Patrick and Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, “Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!”
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: “Nice going Patrick! Now we’re going to have to pee in the boat.”
May you live as long as you want
and never want as long as you live.
IRELAND’S SPACE PROGRAM
John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill.
An American tourist was boasting to an Irishman how advanced the Americans are. “Gee, we’ve ever put a man on the moon.”
“That’s nothing,” repled the Irishman, “We’re going to put a man on the sun.”
“Don’t be stupid,” said the American,” “he’ll fry before he even gets there.”
“Oh no, he won’t. We’re sending him at night.”
When the liquor was gone
the fun was gone.
He who loses money, loses much;
He who loses a friend, loses more;
He who loses faith, loses all.
THREE IRISH BROTHERS
An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, “What’ll you have?”
The man says, “Give me three pints of Guinness please.”
The bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold. You don’t have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I’ll bring you a fresh cold one.”
The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we’re drinking together.
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.
Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, “I know what your tradition is, and I’d just like to say that I’m sorry that one of your brothers died.”
The man said, “Oh, me brothers are fine — I just quit drinking.”
May your feet never sweat,
your neighbor give you ne’re a treat.
When flowers bloom, I hope you’ll not sneeze,
and may you always have someone to sqeeze!
GOLFING IN IRELAND
One fine day in Ireland, a bloke is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one.
Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him.
