One bee began to sputter a little, but flew right by an open gas station. As he passed the second station, he coughing badly, but still he flew on. Finally, as he was on his last fumes, he dove down to a station and gassed up.
When he rejoined the crowd, his bee buddy said: “Look, you passed right by an open station when you started to get low. You passed another station when you were perilously low. And finally, you ran out of gas just in time to glide into that last station. Are you crazy?”
He replied, “Well, it’s like this. The first station was a Gulf station. I really don’t like Gulf at all. The second station was a Texaco station. That’s even worse.
But the third station was an Esso station. Let me tell you, Esso is my brand of gasoline. It’s really true. There’s an Esso Bee in every crowd!”
NECESSARY INFORMATION
(a service of Suddenly Senior)
Ever wondered where a driver is from? Wonder no more.
• One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago
• One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York
• One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston
• One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California. With gun in lap: Riverside
• Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio
• Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy
• One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Washington (Seattle)
• One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonald’s bag out the window: Texas (male)
• One hand constantly refocusing the rear view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rattail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas (female)
• Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna, cousin/spouse in passenger seat: Arkansas
• Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the right blinker on: Florida.
MY PIGGY BANK AFTER I FILLED UP
GOOD GUESS
A gas station in Kentucky was trying to increase its sales, so Clem, the owner put up a sign saying, “Free Sex with Fill-Up.”
Bubba pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. Clem told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
Bubba guessed 8, and Clem said, “Yours shore enough close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time.”
A week later, Bubba, along with Bobby Sue, his blond girlfriend, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. Clem again asked him to guess the correct number.
Bubba guessed 2 this time. Again Clem said, “Sorry, it was 4. You were close, but no free sex this time.”
As they were driving away, Bubba said to Bobby Sue, “I think that game is rigged and he doesn’t really give away free sex.”
Bobby Sue replied, No it ain’t, Honey. It ain’t rigged, I won twice last week.”
GETTING GASSED
(this week’s obligatory blond joke)
A tired trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.”
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, “This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is .. an auto parts store?”
“No,” the cook said. “Three flat tires means three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.”
“Oh, OK!” said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, “What are the beans for, Blondie?”
She replied, “I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up.
SEX?
Gas prices are affecting my sex life.
With prices almost at $3 a gallon, I only date women in a 5-gallon radius.
ONE MORE ADVANTAGE OF THE “GOLDEN YEARS”!!!
My neighbour was out working in his yard, when he was startled by a late model car, that came crashing through his hedge and ended up on his front lawn.
He rushed to help the elderly driver out and sat her on a lawn chair.
“My goodness” he exclaimed:
“You appear quite elderly, to be driving!!”
“Well, yes I am!!” she replied proudly.
“I’ll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don’t even need a license anymore!!…
The last time I went to my doctor he examined me, and asked if I had a driving license. I told him yes and handed it to him.
He took his scissors out of his drawer, cut the license into pieces and threw them in the waste basket.
“You won’t be needing this anymore!!” he said.
