16 Things It Took Me 50 Years to Learn

by Dave Barry

1. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.

2. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

3. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

4. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we
ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

6. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

7. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

8. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."

9. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy
people who are not in them.

10. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of
its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT
use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

11. You should not confuse your career with your life.

12. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person.

13. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
seriously.

14. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very
often, that individual is crazy.

15. Your friends love you, anyway.

16. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.


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