30 Benefits of Growing Old (Advantages of Getting Old Jokes)

Check out these funny benefits of growing old. You’ll love our advantages of getting old jokes.

Looking for something more serious? Read our 10 Awesome Growing Old Advantages when you’re finished laughing at the list below.

(and you thought there weren’t any)

Advantages of Getting Old Jokes

1. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
2. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
3. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8. You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
9. You can eat dinner at 4:00.
10. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
11. You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
12. You can live without sex, but not without your glasses.
13. Your back goes out more than you do.
14. You consider coffee one of the, most important things in life.
15. You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
16. Your ears are hairier than your head.
17. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
18. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
19. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
20. You got cable for the weather channel.
21. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
22. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
23. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
24. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
25. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
26. You send money to PBS.
27. You sing along with the elevator music.
28. Your supply of brain cells is finally, down to a manageable size.
29. You talk about “good grass” and you’re referring to someone’s lawn.
30. You have great friends who think of you often, and send you lists like this!