Life after losing a spouse can feel like being thrust into a nightmare from which there is no escape. The sudden need to manage everything alone, the disorienting grief, and the overwhelming fear can leave you feeling completely depleted. But what can you do to find your way again?
My Journey from Grief to Healing
When my husband passed away suddenly, my world was shattered. One moment, life was predictable; the next, I found myself on what I call “Planet Widow” – a barren landscape of desolation and heartache. I had no idea how to navigate this new reality.
- Suesse, Gwen (Author)
- English (Publication Language)
- 206 Pages - 09/10/2024 (Publication Date) - Cantando Press (Publisher)
Life had been rolling along largely in the way my husband and I expected it would. Ups and downs here and there, for sure, but basically on a mostly predictable trajectory. But on an August day I will never forget, our normalcy vaporized with the sudden death of my beloved husband.
Boom! Without warning, I landed on Planet Widow, an utterly barren landscape with no roads, no buildings, no people, no trees, no anything in sight – only total desolation with mind-bending disorientation and soul-piercing heartache as my sole companions.
I had no vision of what life could look like in such a place. Slowly, however—oh, so agonizingly slowly—a landscape began to take shape. Signposts came into focus to reveal a path forward. Insights built on each other to form a trail of breadcrumbs that I used to hold myself together as I learned a new way of being.
“Planet Widow” is a story of rebirth, describing the trail of insights that knit themselves together to restore my sense of wholeness within an altered context. While I couldn’t totally eradicate grief, I could learn profound lessons from it. Finding the courage to be open to it as a fierce teacher, I slowly lived my way into a new realization of self that includes grief, transforming disorientation into grounding and a measure of peace.
Finding Solace in Books
In my search for answers, I turned to books. Reading about others’ experiences with loss provided a roadmap for my journey. Here are some of the most helpful books I discovered:
Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief
by Martha Whitmore Hickman
- For those who have suffered the loss of a loved one,
- here are strength and the thoughtful words to inspire
- and comfort.
This book is a classic, and a treasure: a little book of daily readings, a page for each day of the year containing a quote from literature, the Bible, or wisdom traditions, followed by a brief meditation about the quote, ending with an affirmation. For example, “I have some control over how much I let sadness rule my life.” It was especially helpful in the early days following loss, encouraging but not overwhelming. Because there is an entry for every day of the year, one can start anywhere and keep recycling through the messages until the need for them dissipates.
When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
by Pema Chödrön
- Chodron, Pema (Author)
- English (Publication Language)
- 176 Pages - 06/07/2016 (Publication Date) - Shambhala (Publisher)
Chödrön is a spiritual teacher in the Buddhist tradition. Her many books explore the various challenges of being human. Written with great compassion and understanding, Chödrön has a remarkable gift for making difficult concepts approachable and understandable. Reading her meditations soothes the soul and kindles an inkling that it is possible to overcome great sorrow and loss, possible to go on, possible to find new meaning in a life bereft of bygone loved ones.
The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have
by Mark Nepo
- Nepo, Mark (Author)
- English (Publication Language)
- 456 Pages - 01/01/2020 (Publication Date) - Red Wheel (Publisher)
Nepo, poet, teacher, and storyteller, has written many books. This one is not specifically about grief and loss, but a daybook that encourages readers to enlarge their outlooks and see things from a broader perspective, something that grievers need to do to refashion their lives and go forward. Nepo’s voice is vulnerable, honest, and compassionate. Using everyday metaphors, he makes abstract concepts real, tangible, and useable. With an entry for each day of the year, the book invites one to start in all over again at the beginning of each year. Miraculously, the entries feel just as fresh, insightful, and helpful with each successive reading as they did the first time.
Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone
by Brené Brown
- Brown, Brené (Author)
- English (Publication Language)
- 208 Pages - 08/27/2019 (Publication Date) - Random House Trade Paperbacks (Publisher)
As a new widow, my self-definitions had been torn asunder. I was no longer part of a couple, but now, a single woman. It was difficult, sad, and lonely to be on my own, without my beloved partner. As time went on, the loneliness became more and more challenging to deal with. I was utterly stuck and demoralized by its intransigence. Brown’s book cracked open a new way of evaluating how I might change the way I thought about myself and what it means to belong as well as to stand alone. Somehow, I found forgiveness within its pages, a sense of letting myself off the hook for finding it so hard to be alone when there were so many good people still in my life.
Keep Moving: Notes on Loss, Creativity, and Change
by Maggie Smith
- Hardcover Book
- Smith, Maggie (Author)
- English (Publication Language)
I loved this book, a compendium of short entries that encourage one to gather up the pieces and forge a way forward. The thoughts are arranged in sections including Revision, Resilience, and Transformation. They always seem to find me where I am, speak to what I need in that moment. Every entry ends with, “Keep Moving,” and this book helped me do so!
Rebuilding a New Life
Slowly, as I navigated this barren landscape, signposts began to appear. Insights from these books formed a trail of breadcrumbs, guiding me toward a new sense of self. Grief, while never completely gone, became a fierce teacher, helping me transform disorientation into grounding and despair into peace.
Conclusion
Grieving the loss of a spouse is an arduous journey, but finding resources and guidance can help you navigate this difficult path. These books were instrumental in my healing process, and I hope they can offer you the same support. Remember, you are not alone on Planet Widow – there is a way forward, and it begins with the courage to take the first step.
Author Bio
Gwen Suesse holds a Master of Arts in Teaching from Harvard University. She is a certified Martha Beck Life Coach and Grief Support Practitioner and has presented keynotes at many women’s conferences and charity events. She is the author of the award-winning book “Womansong: Balance and Harmony in a Feminine Key” and resides in Tryon, North Carolina, in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains. Visit gwensuesseauthor.com.
- Amazon Kindle Edition
- Suesse, Gwen (Author)
- English (Publication Language)
