I was in total shock, and
I couldn’t say anything.
So, she said, I’ll go upstairs
to the bedroom, and if you are up for it, just come and get me.
I stood there for a moment,
watching her go slowly up the stairs in her formfitting miniskirt. I
then turned around and went to the front door. I opened it, and stepped
out of the house.
Her husband was standing outside,
and with tears in his eyes. He hugged me and said, “We are very happy
and pleased, you have passed our little test. We couldn’t have asked for
a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”
The moral of the story: Always
keep your condoms in your car.
THIS IS THE IRISH SEX FAIRY. MAKE A WISH.
May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your
head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven half an hour
before the devil knows you’re dead.
NOTE: Read more Irish proverbs below
DID YOU KNOW?
The very first St. Patrick’s Day parade was not in Ireland. It was in Boston in 1737!
In Chicago, on St. Patrick’s Day, the Chicago River is dyed green!
Nine of the people who signed our Declaration of Independence were of Irish origin, and nineteen presidents of the United States proudly claim Irish heritage including our first President, George Washington!
In Seattle, there is a ceremony where a green stripe is painted down the roads!
LOST AT SEA
Two Irishmen, Patrick and Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, “Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!”
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: “Nice going Patrick! Now we’re going to have to pee in the boat.”
IRELAND‘S SPACE PROGRAM
An American tourist was boasting to an Irishman how advanced the Americans are. “Gee, we’ve ever put a man on the moon.”
“That’s nothing,” repled the Irishman, “We’re going to put a man on the sun.”
“Don’t be stupid,” said the American,” “he’ll fry before he even gets there.”
“Oh no, he won’t. We’re sending him at night.”
May the grass grow long
on the road to hell for want of use.
THREE IRISH BROTHERS
An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, “What’ll you have?”
The man says, “Give me three pints of Guinness please.”
The bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold. You don’t have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I’ll bring you a fresh cold one.”
The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we’re drinking together.
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.
Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, “I know what your tradition is, and I’d just like to say that I’m sorry that one of your brothers died.”
The man said, “Oh, me brothers are fine — I just quit drinking.”
THE O’CONNOR HANDICAP
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he’d just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he’s walking with a limp.
“What happened to you?” asks Sean, the bartender.
“Jamie O’Connor and me had a fight,” says Paddy.
“That little shit, O’Connor,” says Sean, “He couldn’t do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.”
“That he did,” says Paddy, “A shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin’ he gave me with it.”
“Well,” says Sean, “You should have defended yourself. Didn’t you have something in your hand?”
“That I did,” said Paddy. “Mrs. O’Connor’s breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight.”
May you live as long as you want
and never want as long as you live.
GOLFING IN IRELAND
One fine day in Ireland, a bloke is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one.
Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him.
“Goodness,” says the golfer, and proceeds to revive the poor little guy. Upon awakening, the little guy says, “Well, you caught me fair and square; I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes.”
