All of a sudden he grabbed it and ran out of the church. He went home, hid it under his bed and wrote this letter:
Jesus, I got your mama. If you ever want to see her again, give me a bike. You Know Who
SINGING IN CHURCH
A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.
He said, “Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind.
The pastor shouted out “CROSS.” Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, “THE OLD RUGGED CROSS.”
The pastor hollered out “GRACE.” The congregation began to sing “AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound.”
The pastor said “POWER.” The congregation sang “THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD”.
The Pastor said “SEX!” The congregation fell in total silence.
Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.
Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing “PRECIOUS MEMORIES.”
WHY GOD INVENTED MENOPAUSE
With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65 year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. “May we see the new baby?” one asked.
“Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?”
“No, not yet,” said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, “May we see the baby now?”
“No, not yet,” replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, “Well, when CAN we see the baby?”
“WHEN IT CRIES!” she told them.
“WHEN IT CRIES??” they demanded. “Why do we have to wait until it CRIES??”
“BECAUSE, I forgot where I put it…”
PAROCHIAL JOKE
In Parochial school, students are taught that lying is a sin… However, Instructors also advise that using a bit of imagination is OK to express the Truth differently without lying… Below is a perfect example of those Teachings… Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs… An attractive young Woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, ‘Father, may I Ask a favour?’ ‘Of course child… What may I do for you?’
‘Well, I bought my Mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday… It is Unopened but well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate It… Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it Under your robes perhaps?’ ‘I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn You, I will not lie.’**** ‘With your honest face, Father, no one will Question you.’ When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first… The Official asked, ‘Father, do you have anything to declare?’ ‘From the top of My head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.’ The official thought This answer strange, so asked, ‘And what do you have to declare from your Waist to the floor?’
‘I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.’ Roaring with laughter, the official said, ‘Go ahead, Father… Next!’****
GOOD SHORT CATHOLIC JOKES
There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola,
whose lives parallel each other in amazing ways. In the same year
Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy.
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Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through
their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the
priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests.
————————————————————————-
Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally
acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a wee cut above
Timothy Murphy in all respects.
————————————————————————-
Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally
Cardinal was swift to say the least, and the Catholic world knew
that when the present Pope died, it would be one of the two who
would become the next Pope.
————————————————————————-
In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work.
In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the
chimney and the world waited to see whom they had chosen.
————————————————————————-
The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn
that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!
————————————————————————-
Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated, because even
with all of Timothy’s gifts, Antonio knew he was just a bit better qualified.
————————————————————————-
With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a private
session with them in which he candidly asked, “Why Timothy?”
