A GEEZER’S WISH LIST
|By Frank Kaiser|
Don't get me wrong. I know that it's politically correct to ask only for world peace and redemption during this holiday season. But Santa's bag is only so big.
Let's get real here!
Like most seniors, my personal needs are few. Married three times, I have plenty of toasters, towels, and trivets.
You'd think ear-hair tweezers and nose-hair pluckers would be on every old guy's list, but like most, my barber takes care of these humble tasks. (Who knew?)
Also, I'd like is a mind-focuser from Santa.
What’s that all about?
It's as if we suddenly grasp our fading mortality and rush to accomplish all those things we've put off for the last 60 years or so.
“I Put It Here Somewhere!”
I wonder, does Santa have the gift of order in his bag? You know, the ability to keep everything in its place. And even more important: the gift of remembering where that place is located.
Just think! It would be the end of daily routines ending with the phrase, "I know I put it here somewhere."
There are all those history dates that you learned in fourth grade. Whole paragraphs of Shakespeare memorized for high school English. Service serial numbers, phone numbers and addresses from every place you've ever lived, useless DOS commands, old computer passwords, even the birth dates and favorite colors of high school girl and boyfriends everything you ever saw, heard, smelled or felt dating back to Day One.
My God! With all that stuff clogging the old noggin, it's amazing that we even remember our way home! (And a darned good excuse when we don't.)
So here goes.
And, oh yes, world peace.
P.S. I've been a good boy this year. At my age, I can't help that.
© Copyright 2007 Frank Kaiser
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SOME COLUMNS ABOUT STUFF WE DO REMEMBER
Wearing that first hat made me feel like an adult for the first time in my life. It told the world that I was now a man of substance, someone not to be trifled with.
Were things safer, simpler, even sexier back then (based on the theory that less is more)? A humorous look at then and now.
Every evening you'd find my extended family all out there recalling their days, catching up on the news, greeting and often sharing the evening's desert of rhubarb pie with passing neighbors.
It was Jezebel beautiful, sensuous and forbidden, a wanton mistress that threatened the very stability and sanctity of marriage.
From radio I learned that hard work, discipline and stick-to-itiveness were essential to marital bliss.
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