HERE ARE 356 DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT GROWING OLDER, MOST VERY FUNNY. (Just click on the titles below.)
The only difference
between a rut and a
grave is the depth.
When you return from Paradise, how can you ever fit into this world again. A story by Michigan’s Upper Penninsula’s writer, Jerry Harpt, about Bucky and his five campmates, ranged in age from 50 to 65, in a place where there are no cell phones, no computer hook-ups, no TV's, no mattress and box spring, no flush toilets and no warm baths, not on Caribou Island anyway.
You, Too, Can Become A Published Author
Published author and do-it-yourselfer, Patricia Fry takes you step by step from your ideas to publishing success.
Art Buchwald’s Lessons from the Hospice
A wonderful column by my friend, Suzette Standring, about Buchwald’s “final“ days, then his “final, final” days, then his... you get the picture. It paints a new way to look at hospice, a place where most all of us will end up sooner or later.
Thoughts From Within
Funnyman Woody Harrelson gets serious, to our great delight.
..was good for drying children’s tears, even cleaning out dirty ears.
Several years back, Suddenly Senior won the GrayPow Award as one of the 10 best senior sites on earth. Each month we feature an outstanding article from one of the GrayPow Network. Here’s this month’s great article.
Looking For The Dalmations: We looked long and hard, (believe me) and still don't see the dogs. Ladies, see if you can find them!
Florida Hurricane Preparation: What everyone UP NORTH should know: The guts it takes to spend the rest of your life in Paradise!
You Might As Well Admit It: Growing older isn't so terrible, once you grasp the basic rules.
Good Old Days:Ever wonder where some of our most cherished sayings came from? A look back.
Ramblings Of A Retired Mind:
Pretty scary what we can think up when we finally have time to think!
Revocation of Independence:From Funnyman John Cleese: Forget about the Stars and Stripes, you are a British Colony, again. Rule Britannia!
Ancient Words of Wisdom :Hermann Goering (can you dredge up the memory of Nuremberg Trials?) and Julius Caesar weigh in. Like it or not.
Same-Sex Marriages: An Open Letter to Pres. Bush about Leviticus -
Some questions for the president about the abomination.
Cranky Andy Rooney doesn't like you all that much - take it from me!: Baltimore Sun columnist, Susan Reimer, asks Andy Rooney, "Who wrote 'In Praise of Older Women,' you or Frank Kaiser?" Here's her column from May 11, 2003.
1000s of Jokes!:Four years worth of Suddenly Senior's "Best Jokes of the Week." Hours, maybe days of laughter here.
Good Sex Sayings: Great sex quotes about sex from the rich, famous and (sometimes) dead.
At 62? At 65? Read the pros and cons of each and make up your own mind.
ABCs of Aging:Like the man said, "Getting old ain't for sissies." This is a good place to start laughing at ourselves.
BY AND FOR OUR READERS
Uncle Willie and the Funerals :Reader and author, Asa Sparks, tells this short, short story about Uncle Willy and the good pastor of the First Free-Will Bottom Baptist Church.
Becoming an Elder:When you lose the generation of your parents, and you yourself become an elder, what are you to make of that?
I Should Have Died Last Week:What do you say to yourself and others when you're living a miracle? When you outlast a lethal event with zero chance of survival? A true story for 2007.
The Power of Invisible People:Noted author and Suddenly Senior reader, Steve Roberts, explores how we are influenced by folks we’ve never met.
Everyone Has the Best Seat in the House: Another wonderful short-short story by Steve Roberts, this time getting showered with useful insight about Ground Zero and 9/11. Stopping, looking and listening are key.
Celebrating Your Essence:A wonderful Christmas story by Suddenly Senior reader and writer Steve Roberts. “The last time I did this exercise, here's what my heart brought forth...“
Dispatch from Katrina
Gautier, Mississippi: After the hurricane, it wasn’t all tragedy. This heart-warming letter from Suddenly Senior reader and small restauranteur, Sunny Wilson, will restore your faith in humanity.
Writer, columnist and sometime expatriate, Maggie Van Ostrand, gives us this sweet story of an ordinary day in a Mexican fishing village. Extraordinarily touching. Also read Maggie’s “How to Tell When We’re Seniors.”
Who Do They Think
They’re Kidding?:After seeing Jack Nicholson get it on with much younger Amada Peet in “Something’s Gotta Give,” Suddenly Senior reader and author Jeannine Schenewerk wonders why we can’t turn the tables and have films depicting a torrid, romantic love affair between, say Meryl Streep and Tobey Maguire or Barbra Streisand and Brad Pitt.
Shoes to Fit My Man:Suddenly Senior reader MaryJo Thomas considers the magnetism of people with power, George Bush and John Kerry in particular. A uniquely American story.
The Face in the Mirror: New York Times writer, Sally Friedman, writes a charming column for any Suddenly Senior reader of a certain age who has ever been lost in an unsatisfactory job.
I Invented Play Doh (kinda, sorta, maybe):Suddenly Senior reader, Jim Wooluns, spins a Hoosier tale of childhood invention using a very basic material.
If I Only Knew Then What I Know Now:Kaiser reader, radio personality and author, Jacqueline Marcell gives us a valuable look at Alzheimer's and other senior dementia. How to spot it, what to do. Includes 10 warning signs.
Parts Department, Please!:
Here's the aging male's ultimate fantasy. Free new parts for everything and anything that needs to be replaced. By reader, octogenarian, and dreamer, Jack Morrissey.
Easter Lilies:Reader Penny McGee blesses us once again with a short-short story about a country-style Florida Easter, a bee-charming father, and Southern charm. Just in time for Easter!
100 Days, and Counting: Suddenly Senior reader and Missouri florist Jack Royce Smithson tells us what it feels like to be 100 days from retirement.
Thoughts on Approaching
My 81st Birthday: Flying enthusiast, Suddenly Senior reader, and octogenarian, Jack Morrissey, write about how life has changed for him as he hits age 81. There's a lesson here.
Racing Time :Poet Meg Nelson tells what it's like to be Suddenly Senior "when your brain says you're 33."
38 No-nonsense Resolutions for 2005
Writer and educator, MaryJo Thomas, provides 38 ways to make 2005 your best year ever. Read 'em and see.
America, Where is Your Soul? Can You Find It?
Longtime Suddenly Senior reader, Penny McGee, asks you to listen and watch with your heart, and see what she sees: An America that's lost its soul.
Living with Cancer & Other Good Poems
By reader, Cal Begun, the Bensonhurst Poet.
A Heart Problem
Frank's column, "Prejudiced? Me?" reminds Dot Jones of the South in 1940 when she was eight years old. About how things have changed. And how things haven't.
The Day Mother Became Millie
A delightful story by reader MaryAnn McKissick about the day she realized who her mother really was. A perfect Mother's Day read.
Another wonderful story by MaryAnn McKissick. A seven-year-old girl’s Teddy-bear love of a garment makes for an elegant Christmas story.
Also by reader MaryAnn McKissick, here's an idea that will appeal to all women "of a certain age."
All About Undies
Houston reader Etta Richards, 84, takes us on a tour of the underwear she's worn and seen throughout her several years. Undercover work.
Think you may need a hearing aid but hate the idea of wearing one? Reader David Yelle can tell us all a thing or two about how getting one may just be a sign of true strength and intelligence.
Perfumes Can Make You Sick!
Why you may think is an untreatable allergy may in reality be symptoms of your perfume attacking you.
Suddenly Senior reader and fitness expert, Janet Lewis, wrote these simple directions to the road to fitness especially for readers of this site after reading my recent column on exercise ('If God Wanted Me to Touch My Toes, She Would Have Put Them on My Knees.'). Read it! Then, if you have questions, Janet invites comment to her e-mail address.
Walt, Boy Scout
A funny, nostalgic look back to 1958, by reader Reini Strasser.
Les' Instructions for Life
Twenty important instructions from Les Hopkins, a senior reader of Suddenly Senior serving the Peace Corps in Estonia. Here are a couple:
• When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
• Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
Frances H. Kakugawa's classy, classic look at what to wish for when you're 88. "I will have a love affair that will leave me trembling on a windless day..."
The Class Reunion
Reader/photographer Richard Watherwax sends along this fine poem and photo after his recent 50th high school reunion.
Reader Ed Beardshear's "Big 50 Reunion"
A funny, nostalgic look at Newark, Ohio's Class of '53.
Yes, I'm a Bad American
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? A funny man makes aging funny, too.
The Death of Common Sense: An Obituary:
We all knew he was dying. But here it is, the death notice. His life's high points and low, and what finally did him in.
Granny D's Latest Speech
Important words from a true 92-year-old patriot defending peace and the Bill of Rights. Care about America? Read this.
Enjoying One's Age
in the Later Stage
Suddenly Senior friend and columnist, Joe Klock, says "Countless euphemisms have been penned about geezerdom, such as 'strolling into the sunset of life,' but anyone who regards aging as the most fun you can have without giggling with glee needs a brain scan (to prove that they still have one)."
Read this funny essay that slyly sums up the age we are.
If Airlines Sold Paint
The perfect analogy to airlines' ridiculous pricing structures. Especially funny if you've just flown.
It's Your Money
A sober look at today's crooks in corporations.
Class Reunion for 50+ Lady
Good chance you have a class reunion coming up. I do. So here's the inside scoop on how to prepare.
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder
Chances are, you have this malady and didn't know what to call it. Check it out
The Outhouse Poem
What was it that made women scream whenever they used this old outhouse behind the service station?
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as: WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants. And many others.
Better in Black & White
A delightful poem about TV in its early days, the programs, the feeling, the values.
What a Difference a Century Makes
What America was like in 1902, when the average wage was 22 cents an hour and there were 230 reported murders in the US.
Here's good, simple, practical advice on what to do when your wallet or purse is stolen.
Looking for a Job?
Start Small, Think Big
Some good advice from people in the know, plus links that may help in your search.
Medicare Supplements 101
By reader Regina Lopez-Torres, Licensed medicare Agent. Everything you need to know to make intelligent choices, including the right questions to ask.
Good Advice on How to Buy a Car
Realizing that the cost of new transportation can really throw a budget into reverse? Here's good advice from the author of How to Buy a Used Automobile, Sport-Utility Vehicle, or Minivan and Save Money.
How to Get Bumped by Your Airline, and Love It.
From the NY Times. Tips on getting bumped for fun and profit.
Caregiver's Bill of Rights
What every caregiver should have hanging on the wall in front of them.
Great Truths about Life:
Here it is in a nutshell: Great truths little children learn, and never tell; great truths adults learn, and should remember; and great truths about growing old.
Secret Cat Diary: What your cat's REALLY thinking. Or, how cats plan to overthrow the world.
Growing Old is Mandatory?: An inspiring story of a very young 87-year-old college student.
Not by physical force, not by bodily swiftness and agility, are great things accomplished, but by deliberation, authority, and judgment; qualities with which old age is abundantly provided.--Cicero
The Power of Prayer in Medicine
A November 2001 article by Jeanie Davis reports on serious research indicating that prayer definitely helps in healing.
25 Signs You've Grown Older:
2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd. 12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. 17. Dinner and a movie - The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
The Joys of Womanhood:
One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs...My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely. The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes...and other truths.
A Child's View of Retirement: Grandpa worked all his life and earned his retardant. Some of the people are so retarded they don't know how to cook at all, so my grandma and grandpa bring food into the wrecked hall and they call it "pot luck."
How Many Do You Remember? Start Counting!:
Another trip back to your youth of P.F. Flyers, S&H Green Stamps, Drive-ins, and other memory joggers.
Winning My Wings After Fifty
Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my shape to keep. Please no wrinkles, please no bags- And, please lift my butt before it sags. Please no age spots, please no gray- And, as for my belly, please take it away. Please keep me healthy, please keep me young- And, thank you Dear Lord for all that you've done!
"To begin with, my instructor can't tell his left hand from his right. Now, this made for some verrrrry interesting 'discussions' as to which end of the runway I was supposed to be landing on!" Reprinted from AardvarkExpress, new pilot, Katharine Barr, proves it's never too late to learn.
For Mature Women Only
Great advice and truths that only mature women will understand.
My Rememberer is Broke
My forgetter's getting better But my rememberer is broke...
Feeling down? Depressed? Need some inspiration? Click here for the lift of splendid words.
MORE NEW "GOOD OTHER STUFF" EVERY WEEK!
Are You Lonesome Tonight?: Elvis Presley's landmark song, tuned this time to senior citizens.
Don't Look Back. You're Not Headed That Way. :There could be adventures you never imagined just waiting around the next bend and wishes and dreams just about to come true in ways you can't yet comprehend!
Sayings of the '50s
These statements were quite common during the 1950s. How many of today's sayings will ring as true 50 years from now? How many can you remember today?
10 Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer
:Absolutely essential in this day and age. Use any of these tactics and they will never, never call you again.
Look How Things Have Changed
:What a difference 40+ years can make! The following is from a 1950's Home Economics textbook intended for high school girls, teaching them how to prepare for married life. LIKE ARCHIE BUNKER SAID, "THOSE WERE THE DAYS!" BUT THEN, EDITH WASN'T WORKING, WAS SHE?
I'm Just Mature
:Many observations on getting old. "Today at the drug store, the clerk was a gent. From my purchase this chap took off ten percent. I asked for the cause of lesser amount: And he answered, 'Because of senior discount.'
Medicine & Health: The Radical Future Has Begun
Four cute stories to tickle your heart.
Finally a Barbie Doll we can relate to! At long last, here are some NEW Barbie Dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. All are a bit more realistic.
You Know You're
Twenty-eight ways to know when you're "marvelously mature." #4. Your back goes out but you stay home. #13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
World's Funniest Joke
Were they right? You be the judge.
My friend, Dr. Maynard Poland, spelled it all out for his fellow 1957 DePauw University graduates at our recent reunion. Perhaps the most thoughtful and complete and quite amazing peeks into the future I’ve seen.
Best Senior Jokes Ever!:
The first page of several, crammed full of the best senior jokes around.
Swinging singles at 70 -- and beyond: They're ready and willing, if not always able: seniors are leading more active sex lives.
Life Settlements Offered: “Investors are keen to offer “life settlements” to seniors. Here’s a recent Business Week take on how they work and whether they’ll work for you.
For These I Pine at 79: “Klockwork” columnist, Joe Klock, writes from the vantage point of his 79th birthday about “the good old days,” today’s music and public morality, with the regret that we Americans may have lost along the way.
How to Shop for a Hearing Aid: Ten steps to take to put wisdom into this expensive decision.
9 Tips for Women to Stay Safe: I certainly don't want to scare you, but any one of these might just save your life.
The Cat Page: Cat lovers will love these humorous cartoons.
Frank's "In Praise of Older Women" column:His column of 8/9/2003, "Theft of name for vicious e-mail more hurtful than loss of suitcase or $20."
Listening to Fibber McGee and Molly...Today!
: Reader and old-time radio fan, Mike Sprague, writes about where you can renew old radio memories like The Shadow, One Man's Family, Amos and Andy, Lum and Abner, Our Miss Brooks, Lux Radio Theatre and listen to them today.
NEW! Senior Travel Page: All about places seniors like to go, and things seniors like to do. Expert guest columnists as well as Frank and Carolyn's latest forays.
10 Tips on Finding Assisted Living: Best tips from Consumer Reports, Business Week, and Florida Affordable Assisted Living.
Bill Moyers' "Progressive Story of America" : From a speech in June 2003. Takes 15 minutes to read. But it could help save your country.
My Funny Valentine
: Suddenly Senior reader and columnist, MaryAnn McKissick, gives us a Valentine gift of laughter as she reports on her not-so-handy hubby.
If I Had My Life to Live Over Again:Some great advice by Erma Bombeck one of the funniest Women of Our Time left us with this wonderful legacy, written after she learned that she was dying of cancer.
Who Built That Car?: Yet another Suddenly Senior challenge for that old brain of yours. Puzzlemaster Larry Stoddard wakens your fond memories of cars from the '40s and '50s, the brands all long gone.
Caregivers, Take a Break: Caregivers, and those who care about them, should read this before burnout prevents the caregiver from helping effectively. Read this. It's important (and it's helped scores of Suddenly Senior readers already).
Rent an AA Sponsor: Are you a geezer in AA? :Here's the easier, softer way you've been searching for. No reading. No writing. We'll even write your Fourth Step for you.
The Spirit (and Dispirit) of 76
: Columnist Joe Klock just turned 76. A wonderful look at aging, by one of this country's most insightful writers.
The Awakening: There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH!
The Public Speaker: Humorist Bruce Cameron writes of his experience speaking before a bunch of seniors. A humbling experience, to say the least. But funny. Very funny.
Andy Rooney on
Just About Everything
: Ever wonder what the old sage would say about vegetarians/ Prisoners? Fabric softener? Phone polls? Grandma? Answering machines? It's all here.
Free Prescription Drugs Already Here : It's true. Problem is, Big Pharma won't let you know, and once you try to get them, God help you.
Finally Getting It:< Here, on one beautiful page, is everything you need to know to "Finally Get It" and be truly happy.
Senior Airline Discounts
: All the programs that are left after airlines discontinued many senior discounts in July and August, 2003.
Grandma and the Cake:
Grandma bakes a cake that answers the question: How does God work?
I Remember That!:
If you're over 50, this will bring back many wonderful memories. Over 70? It's a memory feast!
26 Ways to Know
:A few: Your potted plant stay alive; Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd; Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
What I've Learned So Far: Solid, yet humorous advice and knowledge about what it's like to be mature.
Interview with God:A lovely message for the New Year. To read and to pass on to those you care about.
Things I Wish I'd Known
Earlier in Life
:Further proof that all you'll ever have to know in life is right here at Suddenly Senior. Including, "Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the waiter." And "Good sex should involve laughter. Because it's, you know, funny."
Old (real old) Sayings, and
Where They Came From
:Ever wonder where "sleep tight" or "mind your P's and Q's" or "F.U.C.K." Came from? Here are the answers.
Only in America
:Funny stuff that occurs only in America. Plus point to ponder and, in case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
The Smile Starter
: Feeling down? Got a frown? Wearing nothing but brown? Click here to turn that frown upside down.
Unless otherwise noted, most everything in "Other Good Stuff" has been sent to Suddenly Senior, without attribution, by readers. If you know who wrote any of this stuff, please let me know , so the author can be properly blamed.
Did you know that It is impossible to lick your elbow, that A shrimp's heart is in their head, that rats and horses can't vomit? All this and more.
BUSHISMS: Whatever you think of the man, our president certainly has a way with words. Here are a few of those ways.
Granddad Explains the Difference Between Now and Then
: "I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees, and the pill," Grandpa says. Then he goes on to tell his grandson what he's missing. Charming.
Life's 13 Rules : You're old enough now to know these. This last one is really important.
: Watch it follow your mouse. Small minds will keep busy for hours.
Christmas in Kabul
: A post-9/11 twist on "The Night Before Christmas."
Old (real old) Sayings, and
Where They Came From
: Ever wonder where "sleep tight" or "mind your P's and Q's" or "F.U.C.K." Came from? Here are the answers
Eleven important rules of life that you might never know without Noah building his ark.
Philosophy of Dogs : Some of the best things ever said about man's best friend. There's a lot of truth here.
An Important Message from God
: To you, dummy! It might be just what you need to hear today.
Dr. Seuss on Old Age
: A funny look at Seuss and the decrepitudes of old age.
Children Revise the Bible: The first five books of the Bible are Genesis, Exodus, Laxatives, Deuteronomy, and Numbers. In the first book of the Bible, Guinness's, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. And more, the way grandkids see it.
: You'll truly be amazed at this little trick, good only in 2002, involving our favorite food.
The Origin of Pets : A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"
Paul Harvey Writes His Grandchildren : Hopes and wishes, and just plain good advice to grandchildren. Ideas for Grandmas and Grandpas everywhere.
A 1943 Guide
to Hiring Women
: Who says you haven't come a long way, Baby? An amazing excerpt from the July 1943 issue of Transportation Magazine.
Don't Blame Us Seniors!
: From a reader in Olympia WA. We seniors may not be perfect, but don't blame us for today's upside-down world.
29 Signs That You're No Longer a Kid
15. Folks call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?" 24. Your ears are hairier than your head.
Great Women Speak of Life The phrase "working mother" is redundant. Jane Sellman. A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. Rhonda Hansome. And lot more.
Funny, I Don't Remember: Being Absent Minded: Hit age 50, and it's patch, patch, patch. Luckily, there's a pill for everything these days except for remembering to take all the others. Unless you have a senior-moment strategy, absent-mindedness can be downright embarrassing. Here's some help:
Urgent Message from the North Pole:
Santa's got a new contract. From now on, he will serve only Great Lakes' states and will take longer breaks for milk and cookies. Who will take care of all the rest of the boys and girls? Bubba Claus!
Christmas with Louise: Winner of Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinner.
Fun Age Gauges:Enter your birthdate and see how much older and younger celebrities are, how old you were when important stuff happened, and other dumb stuff.
Read This and You'll Know Everything:
That a cat has 32 muscles in each ear. Or that the memory span of a goldfish is three seconds. Trivia buffs will love this one.
I Want What She's Having: A great and wonderful lesson on enjoying yourself while you still can. Plus, "all I need to know about life I learned from my girlfriends."
A Walk Down Memory Lane: This will really take you back. To some of the best childhood memories that you've forgotten all these years.
A Grandchild's View of Love: A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4- to 8-year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest. And more.
: Written by Ann Wells of the LA Times in response to the sudden death of her sister-in-law. Wells doesn't believe in miracles, she relies on them.
Man is like an automobile: You'll be surprised at how much we are like a car getting old. The thermostat goes out, making it difficult to reach operating temperature. The headlights grow dim, and the battery needs constant recharging. And on and on.
Butt prints in the sand: A parody on the famous "Footsteps on the Beach." Funny! Here's one part: "You disobeyed, you would not grow.
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt."
of Mayor LaGuardia
: If you're from New York City, you'll especially enjoy this kind and colorful episode from the life of one of that city's most interesting mayors.
: And you thought there weren't any. Here are the first three:
1. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
2. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
3. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
Our Ragged Old Flag: Singer Johnny Cash's take on the American flag.
What a Difference
30 Years Makes!
1970: Long Hair
2000: Longing for hair
1970: Acid Rock
2000: Acid Reflux
1970: Growing pot
2000: Growing a pot belly
And many more.
:From kindergarten to the present: What it takes to be a good friend from age to age.
13 Great Things about Getting Old
: More reasons for being thankful you're not as young as you used to be.
: Ah, to resign as an adult and be a kid again where you go to McDonald's thinking that it's a four star restaurant and M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.
Over 85 is Dangerous Territory
: A former US Congressman takes a good look at being over 85. What many of us have to look forward to.
: A wonderful attitude on life. "When you worry and hurry through your day, It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away... Life is not a race. Do take it slower. Hear the music. Before the song is over."
Remembering Independence Day
: Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence? Here's "The rest of the story."
Red Buttons' Idea of Aging: Appearing on Dennis Miller's show, Red Buttons announced he was 80 years old, but that 80 is not old. Here's what he said...
16 Things It Took Dave Barry 50 Years to Learn:
#3 is "The most powerful force in the universe is gossip."
#6. "There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness." #16. "Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance."
Great Truths of Life that Little Children Have Already Learned:
Wisdom from children's mouths. Like, No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. And, don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
Dirt Roads: Paul Harvey says, "What's mainly wrong with society today is that too many Dirt Roads have been paved. There's not a problem in America today, crime, drugs, education, divorce, delinquency, that wouldn't be remedied if we just had more Dirt Roads, because Dirt Roads give character." And then he proves his point.
Installing Love :An instructive conversation between a customer and computer customer service rep. "LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called." HIGHESTEEM.EXE.
Seniors Must Learn to Sacrifice: Written tongue-in-cheek by a fabulous 70+-year-old man who is a retired air force pilot and gave countless years of service.
True Urban Legend: Very funny takeoff on popular urban legends.
Andy Rooney: "I think the life-cycle is all backwards. You should die first -- get it all over with. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young. You get a gold watch. You go to work..."
Putting Things in Perspective:
Consider: Kids starting college today never feared a nuclear war, always had answering machines, and are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Bumper Stickers We'd Like to See : Clever ideas for bumper stickers from "Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Hand basket?" to "If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
Drink Enough Water? : Lots of good information on the benefits of drinking water, plus one definite disadvantage. Well, two really.
Way Back When: Another sharp look at what we did and what it was like when we were kids.
Saving Rx Dollars: Our in-house guru, retired registered pharmacist Tom Braun, gives his best advice on saving big bucks while taking the medicine you need to stay well.
The Older Ya' Get: If you can live life like this, you'll be one happy senior
Born Before 1945?: Consider the changes we have witnessed: We were before television, before penicillin, before polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the Pill. We got married first, then lived together. How quaint can you be?