UNLESS YOUR FACE
IS STINGER FREE
YOU'D BETTER LET
YOUR HONEY BE
BURMA-SHAVE

FROM WILD OATS TO
PRUNES AND ALL BRAN

Burt Reynolds, working on a movie a few years ago, discovered discovered a horrible truth: That the one-time sex-magnet and his costar Richard Dreyfuss got nothing but the occasional blank gazes from the hundreds of hot beauties on Miami's South Beach. When did that transformation to "senior-dom" happen? READ THE FULL STORY

HUH?

Bob, a 70 year, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old Blonde, who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm.

She hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy Girlfriend?"

Bob replies, "Girlfriend? Nah, She's my wife!"

They're knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"

Bob says, "I lied to her about my age."

His friends respond, "What do you mean? D

BRAVERY. REWARDED.

An elderly gentleman is standing at the pearly gates and St. Peter addresses him: ?All you need to have done is one good deed, and we will allow you passage into heaven?

The old man says, “No problem,” as he recounts to St. Peter that he once stopped at an intersection and saw a motorcycle gang harassing a young woman.

He got out of his car, walked up to one of the bikers, who was over seven feet tall and must have weighed nearly 400 pounds, and told the biker that abusing and harassing a woman is a cowardly act and that he would not tolerate it in his presence.

He then reached up, yanked out his nose ring and kicked him in the groin to make a point.

St. Peter is frantically searching the man’s life in his book in front of him and says, “I can’t find that incident anywhere in your file. When did that happen?”

The old man looks down at his watch and says, “Oh, about five minutes ago.”

A CHIN WHERE
BARBED WIRE BRISTLES STAND
IS BOUND TO BE
A NO MA'AMS LAND
BURMA-SHAVE .

CATTLE CROSSING
MEANS GO SLOW
THAT OLD BULL
IS SOME COW'S BEAU
BURMA-SHAVE

NIGHT TRAIN

An old man and a young woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two retired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 a.m., he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the cupboard to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.

"Good," she replies. "Get your own damned blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.

WITHIN THIS VALE
OF TOIL AND SIN
YOUR HEAD GROWS BALD
BUT NOT YOUR CHIN
BURMA-SHAVE

Old Mr. Johnson was in a terrible accident, and his penis was mangled and torn from his body.

His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the procedure, since it was considered cosmetic surgery.

The doctor said that the cost would be $3500 for "small," $6500 for "medium," and $14,000 for "large."

Mr. Johnson was sure he wanted a "large," but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.

Mr. Johnson phoned his wife and explained their options.

The doctor came back into the room, and him looking quite dejected.

"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.

Mr. Johnson answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."

HE LIT A MATCH
TO CHECK GAS TANK
THAT'S WHY THEY CALL HIM
A SKINLESS FRANK
BURMA-SHAVE

GRANDPA'S OUT WITH
JUNIOR'S DATE
OLD TECHNIQUE
WITH BRAND NEW BAIT
BURMA-SHAVE

BETTER WRITE THIS DOWN

Some people try to turn back their odometers.

Not me, I want people to know why I look this way.

I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

 SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
BURMA-SHAVE

This week's link

I just don't look good naked anymore.
http://www.minibite.com/funstuff/idontlookgood.htm

THIS WEEK’S SUDDENLY SENIOR TIP

Test results indicate that, after exposure to humor, there is a general increase in activity within the immune system, including:

An increase in the number and activity level of natural killer cells that attack viral infected cells and some types of cancer and tumor cells.

An increase in activated T cells (T lymphocytes). There are many T cells that await activation. Laughter appears to tell the immune system to "turn it up a notch."

An increase in the antibody IgA (immunoglobulin A), which fights upper respiratory tract insults and infections.

An increase in gamma interferon, which tells various components of the immune system to "turn on."

An increase in IgB, the immunoglobulin produced in the greatest quantity in body, as well as an increase in Complement 3, which helps antibodies to pierce dysfunctional or infected cells. The increase in both substances was not only present while subjects watched a humor video; there also was a lingering effect that continued to show increased levels the next day.